Back to Louisville

This morning, as I was applying a lovely shade of lemon grass to my dining room doors, I was thinking back to last night's post about the AP English Literature reading in Lousiville, and I realized that perhaps I should be offering up a few suggestions for things to do and see if ever you find yourself in that fair city. Here are some dos and don'ts for enjoying the site of "the most exciting two minutes in sports":

1) OK, I didn't see the Kentucky Derby, so I can't really speak to that one. It's probably just fine if you have plenty of mint juleps and a broad-brimmed hat.

2) Check out the Speed Art Museum on the campus of the University of Louisville. It has a fabulous collection of modern and contemporary art, as well as some good 17th- and 18th-century Dutch, Flemish, and French paintings. I saw a Warhol of police dogs attacking Civil Rights protesters that I'd never seen before.

3) Splurge on a meal at Proof on Main, a fine restaurant John took me to for a birthday meal. Even if you don't have a meal there, order the Oleana, which is kind of like a mojito with a vanilla bean. And have a gander at the weird replicas of bleating, lassoed goats hanging from the walls. You might just end up going vegetarian.

4) Wander back to the 21c Museum, which is just off the bar at Proof (see #3). There are some very cool installation and video pieces on display, and the men's urinal is pretty much just a wall of glass, down which flows sheets of water that prevent would-be looky-loos on the other side from checking out your goods.

5) And this isn't the only see-through urinal in Lousiville, oh no! If you head over to Boots--a gay leather bar within walking distance of downtown--you can stand before a glass and chain-link fence urinal, the other side of which is a bench for guys who love to watch men pee at them but just aren't into the mess. If your imagination is failing you, here's a picture of what I'm talking about:


Pretty nifty, huh?

Heads up: you gotta have some leather on to get to where the urinal is. And athletic shoes don't count. So how did I get in, you ask? The owner of the bar was kind enough to loan me his boots, which almost fit me. Oh, and, sorry ladies, but it's pretty much a guy thing at The Hole at Boots.

6. The drag show LaBoy LeFemme at The Connection (just next door to Boots, see #5). Nobody does drag like middle America does drag!

7. Karaoke at Q Starbase. Advance warning: these are some serious karaoke-ers, and they will mess you up if you mangle your rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart."

8. You thought I did nothing but guzzle cocktails at Louisville's gay bars? Well, think again. I also hung out at the bar at the Seelbach Hotel. This is where Daisy and Tom Buchanan of The Great Gatsby were married, but it's called something slightly different in the novel; I don't recall what. (There. I thought about it again.) I can recommend The Seelbach Cocktail. While you might not think that champagne and bourbon make for a good combination, I found it eminently drinkable.

9. Avoid 4th Street Live unless there's really something you want to see going on there or you're really in the mood for some uninspired kitsch. It's all chain restaurants, drunken brides-to-be in veils, clutching dildo bouquets, and Colonel Sanders impersonators. It's like Vegas's Fremont Street Experience, but without all the classic neon.

10. I guess you ought to order and consume a Hot Brown. I did. I was expecting a little more from what I understand to be a legendary Louisville dish, but it's essentially a turkey, cheese, and bacon casserole. Not that I have anything against that! But ultimately, it was more about being able to say I ate something with such an unappetizing name.


So there you have it! Your own guide to what to do, what to avoid, and what maybe to do while in Louisville, Kentucky! I'll probably be there again next year, so check this spot in summer 2008 for an update. At the very least, I'll make an effort to visit some different gay bars.

versectitude

Well, another summer has nearly flown by, and I'm no better a blogger than I was this time last year. Sigh. Some great things have happened this summer, however, and I want to get some of them down while I can still recall them. It'll happen piecemeal.

This past June, I was in Louisville, Kentucky spending my sixth (count them--six!) year scoring AP English Literature exams. I know what you must be thinking: "how do I get in on this gig?" Well, you have to be either a high school or college English instructor, and you have to be willing to give up the first week or so of June to sit in an overly-air-conditioned conference center and grade essays for eight hours a day.

My previous years as a reader were spent in Daytona Beach, which sounds glamorous unless you've actually been to Daytona during the first week of June. The only folks there that time of year are leathery beach bums and very pathetic frat boys who seem not to have gotten the memo as to where and when Spring Break was going to be. Daytona does have a fine beach (if you're into that sort of thing--I'm not much of a sand guy, myself), but the only other attractions include a Bubba Gump's and more souvenir shops (think alligator heads and Confederate flag-wear) than you could possibly imagine. OK, I'm sure there are other charms, and most of the people I hung out with really loved it there.

But moving the reading to Louisville was a step in the right direction, as far as I'm concerned. In Lousiville, there is a real downtown with some pretty good restaurants, museums (not just the Louisville Slugger one, but art museums, too), watering holes with many kinds of bourbon, several gay bars that stay open really late, and a view of the Colgate Factory across the river in Indiana. (It's cooler than it sounds.)

The real reason I keep returning to score essays for Educational Testing Services, however, is to see my same-time-next-year AP English Lit reading pals. For the past six years I've spent my birthday (June 5, in case you hadn't yet marked your calender) with these folks, and this year I turned the big Four-O with them. John even came out to meet them and celebrate this milestone with me. We had a party in my hotel room--a suite, in fact--and the hotel management was called up to tell us to keep it down. You know it's a party when party-pooping authority figures come a-knocking!

As far as the essays were concerned, there weren't near enough howlers this year. I was scoring the third essay or open question. Students were asked to choose a novel or play and discuss how a past decision played a pivotal role in a character's present state. In other words, choose a work with a character and a plot, and you've got it made. By the end of the reading, I felt certain I never wanted to even think about The Great Gatsby, Death of a Salesman, or Beloved. Ever. Again.

There were a couple of bright moments, however, and I'm happy to share them with you.

Here are some of the most interesting coinages I came across:

poingrent
peripety
vermit
versectitude

and--I kid you not--Se la V.

I read about the "great ball and chain of being," and discovered that The Great Gatsby was, in fact, written by Ella Scott Fitzgerald. I also encountered examples of insightful character analysis, such as, "Lady MacBeth wasn't very nice at all," and "As a young man, Gatsby was not well endowed."

But the prize for most entertaining response goes to the poor young writer whose essay was comprised entirely of this observation:

"I've only read one work on this list. A Streetcar Named Desire. I think it's a kind of Volkswagon."

Mock me and my choice of summer activities if you must, but really, folks, you can't find this stuff on the Comedy Channel. And I haven't even told you about the cafeteria food we're served thrice daily.

Stay tuned for my harrowing tale of the expiring passport.